For months now I have been grieving, from the loss of a sister far away from me to reopened wounds and a general sense of "almost" that never come, I'm tired.
Not the "I need to sleep" kind of tired, but the "what is the point anyway" kind.
Why have a heart for people who closed their hearts to you year ago.
Why make plans for tomorrows when it so easily disappears in todays?
Why learn the lyrics to songs that no one can hear you sing?
For the first time in far longer than I can remember, I don't know anymore.
Yet, I keep doing it, every moment more deliberate than the last.
I keep loving people who will never love me back.
I keep planning as I watch the best laid plans dissolve under this unending rain.
I keep singing aching for someone to hear.
I long for the moment that this internal battle is won either way. At this point I don't care which part wins. I just want to rest.