Monday, August 16, 2010

Go and sin no more..."hey did you see what she did?"

I watched the movie, "The stoning of Soraya M" this past week. It was very brutal, and I don't at all recommend for the faint. But that, and lots of personal circumstances, have had me thinking about the concept of "Go and Sin no more"

I love the concept of forgiveness and of grace. I am grateful for it. Heaven's knows I'd have been lost a long time ago otherwise. I am a faller, definitely NOT a flyer.

But then humans get involved, and shew it makes it so complicated and difficult.

You sin, and most often it hurts, it affects, other people.

You ask for forgiveness and receive God's forgiveness. They are still damaged.

You move forward, trying to improve. They have to work out the situation on their own.

On top of that you have the bystanders. They all have their opinions and most have forgotten how many times they have needed the same grace and forgiveness. "Well we just want you to be happy", "oh my do you know what such and such did?", "I'd never put up with that".

So you end up in this very painful and scary place.

Forgiven and not. Free and bound. Moving forward, and the past in your face every day.

At this point, you have two decisions. You can continue to feel guilty. You can continue to let people remind you of what an awful person you are. You can listen to all the voices who tell you it's hopeless, and get stuck and a cycle of self destruction...or, you can move forward.

You can go and sin no more...You can ask for forgiveness from those you have hurt, you can do your best to mend the situation, you can allow your potential, not your past, to define you.

I can tell you from personal experience, if you let your past haunt and define you, it will keep repeating itself. I've spent four years on that that cycle, and I can tell you it only gets more ugly. You have to let it go, even if no one else does.

You can't change the things you have done, but you can change where you are going. Your only hope is in moving forward, in truly going and sinning no more...get started!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

If you are Isaiah

If you are Isaiah...
Your parents gave you a ridiculously long name
having no idea
you would have plenty personality to fill it

If you are Isaiah...
It is not a stick
It is a piece to the latest wolf trap
or ant home
or plane

If you are Isaiah...
you keep the beat
of whatever room you're in
just like your Daddy

If you are Isaiah...
you bounce from one thing to another
and drive your auntie's crazy
and love every second of it.

If you are Isaiah...
your room is always clean
your clothes are always folded
and your shoes are always missing

If you are Isaiah...
You hug your mom fifty times a day
and tell her she's beautiful
and that you like her meatloaf when you know you're in trouble

If you are Abby

If you are Abby...
you are passionate about everything
from animals
to people without
to the earth
and the God who made it all.

If you are Abby...
you are told fifty times a day how pretty you are
but you never get it
to you, everything in this "magical mystical world" is beautiful

If you are Abby...
you have your Daddy's music
and your Momma's heart
and lots of fun sharing insomnia with her.

If you are Abby...
you sing
from morning until night, and even sometimes in your sleep
and you choreograph your day, and everyone else's
because you know, you know best ;0)

Friday, August 13, 2010

If you are Olivia

If you are Olivia...
You are very very quiet
sometimes so quiet we forget you are there
but when you speak up
you make your Mommy very proud.

If you are Olivia...
every animal is your friend
You work hard to keep them safe,
and drive your parents crazy doing so

If you are Olivia...
you have eyes as blue as the cloudless sky
and hair that is always messy.
You move slow,
and run very fast.

If you are Olivia...
You are Mommy's cheerleader
and wanna be enforcer
and take people's breath away at how brave you are.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Be Still

So I have made some poor decisions. I have hurt people I care about badly. I got into a cycle of guilt and sabatage.
If you read the "can't you see" blog, you know that two sundays at New Life church in Colorado Springs, I asked for, and recieved God's forgiveness. The burden of sin has truly been lifted. That is great, and wonderful, but it does not change my circumstance. It does not change or heal the wounds I have caused. That is the hard part.
If you know me at all, you know I am a fixer. I am a people pleasing addict. I hate hate hate to see anyone hurting, which is further exacerbated by knowing it was me who caused the wounds.
I have been spinning in circles, making things only worse.
On my drive home from Colorado I heard sermon after sermon on Being Still and Knowing. I have ping ponged back and forth between "Ok God you can have it, please help me fix my mess, please heal the wounds I have caused" to panicked scrambling to try and fix things on my own. I am exhausted an no better off than when I started.
Tonight I had another "woooooo hooooo hey remember what I said!" moment.
I saw Psalm 46:1-3, 10 on something I was reading, and decided to look it up. While the scripture was relevant, it was a side note that spoke the most to me, it was that that I desperately needed to hear.
"Things in life often fall apart all at once. Name your crisis du jour. You have a bitter fight with your husband or boyfriend-and it seems as if a piece of your secure world falls at your feet. Layoffs threaten your job-another chunk drops. Your single mom breaks her hip-yet another piece falls. When life is crashing down around you, do you work even harder to hold it together? Try a different approach: BE STILL. Find comfort and stregnth in God, and stop trying so hard to fix everything. No matter how many pieces fall, you will have God's inner peace.

If you are Rachel

If you are Rachel
You are stuck between girl and woman
You prefer tshirts and shorts
to dresses and makeup
but only sometimes
You are moody like your mama
And musical like your dad
You like watching scary movies with your mom
and cooking just about anything
You put on a show wherever you go
You help your mom, and grandmother, and great grandmother
and well, anyone else who needs helping
You have a servants heart
A musicians unrest
and the ability to do more than you will ever dream....

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Clipped Wings

You clipped her wings
then tossed aside
hating her because she couldnt fly
You mocked her tries
She fell face first
"I told you so"
is what she heard
You will never fly
She made you dirty
You made her useless
She broke your heart
You stole her mind
Only for a time
For He is there,
He made those wings
Someday she'll fly
Someday she'll be clean
He doesnt care that She cant fly
Her wings grow strong
As He carries her along
Far from way back then
And when she's healed
He'll raise her up
And she will fly again

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