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Showing posts from May, 2019

My Andramada

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To say the last 9 months have been the worst in my life would be an understatement. August 28, 2018 has changed me. Quite honestly, most times, I don't recognize me anymore. Yes, I have fantastic children, an amazing Stephen, precious friends who fill in the missing places, a job that I love, and the most Earth shattering grandson that ever existed; but, at the end of every day, I lay down, and my heart literally hurts because my sister isn't here. I know I should be grateful, and at times I am, but most times I'm just mad. Combined with other losses, it feels most times impossible. I genuinely cannot find enough tears. It's all made worse because I really do have all those people and things above, and I know that I have hurt all of them in this place. They are trying, they are some really phenomenal people, but they are not my Andreana. Or Andramada, as I called her, well, because. They are not the baby I spent countless hours wrapping their broken leg in

Check out the Phenomenal Work by Rachel @RayWillSlay

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Why haven't you booked with Rachel yet? Lash extensions , brow tints, waxing and makeup. So much goodness to have you looking phenomenal this summer!!!! Just look what she did for my daughter!!!!! My daughter saw Rachel, the new lash artist and t he results were absolutely gorgeous!!!!! She no longer has to wear mascara and despite the heat and swimming, her lashes have stayed fabulous!!!!! My daughter loves them. She can't wait to go back for a refill. I cannot recommend Rachel more!!!!!! You can find @raywillslay on Instagram or Facebook #lashextension #lashes #lash #lashextensions #lashlift #beauty #lashlove #lashartist #eyelashextensionjakarta #lashesonfleek #eyelashes #lashaddict #volumelashes #eyelashextension #lashtech #minklashes #classiclashes #lashtint #lashextensionjakarta #lashed #makeup #lashlife #extensions #like  #lashmaker #charlottenc #charlotte #clt #queencity #northcarolina #love #nc #fashion #charlottesgotalot #exploreclt #uptowncharlotte #

Anchors, Jesus, and The People Who Won't Let Go

                               for·sak·en                                                       /fərˈsākən/                                                           abandoned or deserted. "a journey into forgotten and forsaken places" Jesus and I aren't friends right now. While we have had a strained relationship for years, losing my sister pretty much upped my resentment to insurmountable and my desire to fix it to nothing. It's a weird place for me because since I was about 15, no matter what happened, I fell back on Jesus and my faith and the knowledge that "All things work together for my good." And then my sister died. And there is no goodness in that. Not now. Not ever. Not for any reason. It's fucking awful. And so Jesus and I aren't friends right now. And before you cast me aside, I want you to remember Jesus in the garden when He cried because He was alone or Jesus on the cross who asked why He

Rape Babies and Other Horrible Things We Say For the Sake of Social Justice

I've taken a break from most social media. I've managed to ride a great many waves through social justice and am typically able to see both sides, whether I agree or not, without too much personal consequence. But not this. Not Rape babies or people arguing over which babies are ok to kill and which ones are not. I am and have always been Pro Life. Not Pro Birth. Pro Life. Life of all colors, economic status, gender, sexuality, nationality, faith, socioeconomic status and on and on and on. For me, the baby conceived between two people who love one another is no more beautiful that the baby who was unplanned. The healthy baby, no better than the one who will spend a lifetime creating everyday miracles of survival. The baby born in poverty, no less than the ones born with all they will ever need. The ones born in crisis, or of crisis, are just as precious to me than those who come in joy. The circumstances of ones life do not change the value, before or after someone is born

In the Land of No Sadness in Which My Grandson Lives Because His Mama is Amazing

My grandson doesn't know sadness. He doesn't know chaos. He doesn't know pain or loss. That's not to say he hasn't had his bottle later than the exact moment he wanted it or been pissed when his Mama, Daddy, or one of us didn't move fast enough; because that has absolutely happened. But it has been momentary. You can literally show him the bottle you are making and he stops crying because he knows it is coming. You can say to him, "Baby Nina is coming shhhh." And he does. He does hush because he knows I'm coming, or his amazing mom and dad, or other family members are coming. There is no panic, no loss, no grief. His joy, peace, and trust are blindsiding and fascinating to me. The way he looks at me, even when he is mad, wrecks my heart. He trusts me. He trusts his parents and the world and the honest, humiliating truth is, this is new for me. I grew up in chaos, darkness, loss and I swore my children never would. I then made de

RS&KM #2 Your First Mama's Day Without Your Mama

I genuinely don't know what to say here. I love words. They are my favorite play things. Yet, when I try to grasp what today is like for you, I can't find any. When I try to convey what I'm thinking or what to share with you, I find only tears. I'm just so very sorry. This week should not have happened. Especially not on this week. I love you. I'm sorry. Auntie Jess

RS&KM #1

Hello Kiddos, I'm all out of words right now, but have to start somewhere. It will be a few years before you see this, and that thought makes my everything hurt, but I am resting on someday. Someday you will be older. Someday you will know just how many people were around who loved you and wanted to be in your life. Someday we will stay up too late and share silly stories about your mama. Someday we will. I promise. Love, Auntie Jess