Showing posts from January, 2010

Surprize piggies, busted pipes, and endless meetings

Yes I know how to spell surprise, it just makes me smile to purposefully misspell it. That aside... I'm taking a mandatory self prescribed break from spreadsheet hell to write something I enjoy. The past few days have been trying! We are beginning the inventory process of my mom's house. WOW! I never realized how much stuff was in one room until I had to write down the make, model, type, description and cost of EVERY single item, from appliances to q tips. YIKES! I will most likely have a severe spreadsheet phobia when this is done. We had a stressful but good meeting with DCS and should be getting more financial help with Jaylin. The state had cut our subsidy this year and with no services appropriate, we are having to create and pay for it privately. I have the most ridiculous expenses being her mother, not to mention the fact that I have a college degree, but am so busy with the chaos that is her life, that work would be impossible. She was a special needs adoption,

What I learned today 01-22-2010

You go can from noticing that your guinea pig is pregnant, to having three guinea pig babies, in less than 12 hours. My mother's fire trauma kitty has no clue what a litter box is, or at least is pretending that. She is also pregnant. Tyler Perry's Movie, I can do bad all by myself, is AWESOME. The song "I can do bad all by myself" by Mary J, is my theme song. I am not the cat piss sniffer outter I thought I was. I CAN'T FIND IT!!!! AHHHHH IT'S MAKING ME NUTS Jaylin does not love me, she loves my noodles. Spending hours making chicken stock from your friend Talia's recipe , and then getting too overwhelmed with life to put it in the fridge, equals something else to throw in the yard. Boo! As every other recipe of hers I've made, I'm sure it was delicious. Livy outsmarted me by hiding her stolen container of icing in the cat food bag. EWWWW. cat food and chocolate icing. again I say...ewww.... and yea in her hurry she l

Pardon Me

Walking with you I lost my step You didn't hold on into the water I fell I reached for you You smacked me away I cried out for help You told me to be quiet I gave you all of me and it wasn't enough I wasn't worth saving I needed you You needed more As I come out of the water all on my own pardon me if I don't take your hand you dropped me last time.


YOU so many things I want to make them make sense it would be easier but never easy it's never ever easy dealing with damaged people and broken promises and always that never comes and tomorrow is a dream never dreamed about and forever is a joke but right now, right now, I miss you and right now I wish you were here and I wish you could make yesterday irrelevant and tomorrow hopeful and this moment not so meaningful

What I've learned today 01-19-10

Ok so really the honest truth is that I have not been sane enough to write in hmmmm maybe a week so, it's kind of a what I've learned this week sort of write. Shew, I don't even know where to start! Let's go with easy...if you spill a gallon of homemade laundry detergent on your kitchen floor, it will be super shiny and slick. Wet socks have NO traction. Laundry detergent, which you do not get to wash off for two hours because of a raging kiddo, itches. A lot. Hysterachild is easily calmed by a new party entering the scene. Ok...harder.... Fire which has no place to escape keeps building up pressure, until a window burst, at which point, it "flashes" and goes crazy. Dryers can melt. Smoke kills before fire. One of my mom's cats escaped the fire and hid under a heating unit. In the same room as melted dryers, a piece of paper artwork can survive under a pile of clothes. A piece of glass can hold it shape and still be ashes, you

Hope is for sissies!

hope (hp) v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes v.intr. 1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment. 2. Archaic To have confidence; trust. 1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation: We hope that our children will be successful. 2. To expect and desire. See Synonyms at expect. n. 1. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. Among the myriad of things I do each week, three different agencies, for 1-3 times per week each, come into the house to work with Jaylin and our family. It has been a rough couple of months around here between Jaylin's abuse while a patient at Laurel Heights and the holidays. I'm stressed, Jaylin is stressed, our home is well, stressed. This week one of the workers was here and she asked me, "How do you have hope?". I DONT. Hope is for sissies! Hope implies without saying that I believe someday I may be free of pee filled drawers and incessant rocking, lying without reason, and

Laundry basket taken into custody

My sweet Little Jaylin, hoarder and thief extraordinaire has been at it again. From hand soap, to make up, to receipts, and the other kids new Christmas toys, things have been disappearing at an alarming rate. I checked and checked her room and couldn't find any of it. Hmmmmm...It appears my little darling has gotten smarter! Because of the hoarding problem, she has a large laundry basket that she has to keep all of her "possessions" in. It is kept in another room and she has to ask to get things out. It is crammed full of stuff most of us, probably all of us, would assume be thrown away, but it makes her happy, and so, as long as it's contained, I leave it alone. She was having trouble finding her art stuff today so I was helping her. Lo and behold...the basket was full of all of the missing items, and some I had not even realized were gone! Instantly, Jaylin begins her yelling, "I did not put your stuff in here" and so on and so forth. She thinks by