Customer Service Voices

 As most know my current role involves clinical quality assurance. Essentially I listen to crisis calls and provide feedback, education, support to other counselors.

I also have had humans in my own world be frustrated with me when I use my “customer service voice.”

I can tell you with 100% certainty that a counselor, or myself, are never ever using that voice or tone out of anger, spite, frustration, or anything negative. 

I can also tell you with 100% certainty that when I hear this tone I know this person feels overwhelmed, exhausted, scared, unsure, lost. They are fighting through heartache, exhaustion, and tears to show up anyway. They want to be kind when the world is not kind to them. They want to be a place of rest when home and peace are lost in that moment to them.

They are trying. The alternative is allowing those awful feelings and moments to take over, to be sharp, unkind, unloving. And so they take a deep breath and say hello and pray the next syllable hides their brokenness.

Nothing is Black and White

   Nothing is black and white.

Everything is a concept and in context.

I can love you and grieve who you should have been.

I can attend therapy over what you did and ache for what you could have done.

I can know who you were and be in hysterixs over who you could have been.

I loved and hated you.

I avoided you at all costs and hoped someday my Pappy would come.

Please come.

But you didnt.

I watched you love others.

I know you were capable.

I know I was never enough to see that man.

You died with me settled on Easter after hot dogs, on ignored collect calls, on ketchup packets that should have not happened,

on do not engage in those activities, and what the fuck Is wrong with you.

You left and I’m broken, and grateful .

You cant hurt anyone anymore.

But am grieving because you also will never come home.

Nell Ditt