Showing posts from June, 2010

Darkness and Light

Sometimes while walking through the forest, the darkness encroaches so slowly that you don't notice that it's there. Your eyes adjust to the lack of sunlight, you move forward, unaware. You never stumble or falter or realize that there is anything at all wrong with your travels. And by and by the sun begins to rise, a sun you never noticed was missing. A flicker of light makes it's way between the trees, shining onto your pale and sullen face. At first, you close your eyes, the light being too much to handle. You turn around and try to move away from it. It becomes hard to see. Your focus is lost. You are scared but drawn. You can't move or breathe or feel. And the light gets brighter. . . Your eyes begin to adjust to the way things should be. You remember what it was once like to see the details in the world around you. A familiar joy rises up within in you, beckoning your forward. You move faster and step closer anxious to continue to allow your world to brigh

God and Music

So in my severe lack of sleeping lately I've been doing lots of thinking. As many of you know, I have many friends who are not Christians. There are several things that the "nonbelievers" pass onto me, that keep me up late at night. I've been struggling to find an appropriate way to share it. Appropriate, in this case, of course, being that I'd have liked to found a way to share my heart without hurting feelings or stepping on toes. I'll apologize in advance. First of all, I must say I'm incredibly frustrated at times by the "they did _______and they claim to be a Christian" , said by both Christians and non Christians. What kind of thing to say is that? It says "If you are a Christian you would never do _______, so they must not really be one." Now seriously people. You know, things like that are the very reason that "nonbelievers" think we are full of crap. They see our mistakes. WE MAKE MISTAKES. They are not stupid.


You would not call a man humane for ceasing to set mousetraps if he did so because he believed there were no mice in the house.~C.S. Lewis Faith is not believing you are safe from drowning in a mud puddle. ~Me It is easy to be confident when surrounded by people who believe in you. It is easy to be brave when you know you are not alone. It's easy to be funny when you have every reason to laugh. It is easy to stand strong when the ground beneath you is solid. Take all of those things away, and where are you? Where am I really? Working my way out mostly. Finding things to rejoice and be confident in, even if it's the way a kitten transforms in my care, or the laughter of my babies. But more than anything I am understanding for the first time in my life that God loves me, that He is the only one capable of loving me just as I am. He loves me when I fail. He loves me when I am scared, whiney, angry. He loves me when I'm not funny. He loves me when I'm sk

Shame is a 4 letter word (Written August 2010)

I copied my online Mommy Hero Christine's title for this one, simply because there is no other title that would fit. Oddly enough, we were both writing about the same subject, negative thought processes , at the same time. This is hard for me. While I am generally free with who I am, and what my failures are, I don't generally disclose specific thoughts, especially the ugliest of them. So be kind. Or at least quiet. What I whave learned in the past few weeks is that my thoughts are not isolated to me. I am not the only one feeling this way. Many of you have messaged me, sharing similar stories and hurts. I struggled with whether or not to talk about my most private thoughts during this time of vulnerability, but what I realized is that if I speak out, so might you, and neither of us will be bound by shame anymore. I recently bought my very first for me bible . In it, I found the most relevant for now, and powerful statement... "The best way to combat temptati