Wednesday, September 26, 2012

An Invisible Red Thread

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." -Ancient Chinese Proverb


Despite hilarious rumors about where and when my Stephen came from, there is a story behind it, a rather intriguing story which I cannot wait to tell our grandchildren...
In the entirity of our lives, there have been countless occasions where Stephen and I have been in the very same place at the same time, yet we never connected. It is facinating for me to think of all the times I came so very close to the man who would someday hold my heart without ever even saying hello.
So here is a list of sorts of the yesterday momements that brought us here...
We both spent our childhood in Bristol, and both attended the BEEP classes due to our genius mental status :0)
We partied around the same people thoughout middle and high school.
We both attended ETSU at the same time.
Our children were in the same class at ETSU Little Bucs, at the same time.
My best friend Dawn, is the wife of his close friend Jody.
We listened to Old Crow Medicine show together at the 2004 Bristol Rhythm and Roots Festival on Sept. 19, 2010
We both were at Stateline for a fundraiser after our friend Kenny McClanahan died in June of 2010.
We have countless facebook friends in common, one of which, Jody Bynum, led to our eventual first conversation on May 14, 2012. I have never been more thankful for my crass sense of humor and smart mouth!
Two years ago, I was certain my life was over, I was so deep in a sea of misery I was drowning. I had in many ways given up, but God did not let me, and many of you did not let me either. You encouraged me to change my focus, to trust God with my heart, and I did. What a wild ride it has been, but I'd do it ten times over if it meant I got to end up here! I love you Mr. Johnson.










Saturday, September 22, 2012

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you

Aside from IP addresses, and blogger reporting statistics, your general reactions tell on you and your many visits to my blog. Why I could care less, and am in fact, in many ways amused, I'm particularly disgusted by liars, especially liars
who lie to children or manipulate children in pursuit of their own selfish agenda, or defense of their pathetic pride.
You should read the "I love the way" one. It addresses this issue specifically. From the outside, you see simply and only what I allow you to see. You can infer or guess or imagine all you'd like, but it does not make it reality. You are left with only brief glimpses into the life you will never be a part of. So, read on, soak it up, maybe you'll learn something.
In the meantime, life goes on without you.

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

You can....

You can tell any story

all about a broken home

You can tell any story

so long as it's not our own


You can share any heartache

let the tears flow like rain

You can share any heartache

so long as you don't say my name


You can paint any picture

colors spread so painfully

You can paint any picture

so long as they can't see me

Firemen and Mamas

Firemen fight fires.

They show up, hose in hand, ready to save and protect.

Sometimes, they put out the fire, the family cheering in the background, thanking them for their bravery.

They are heroes.

But sometimes, sometimes, they show up and the fire is out of control and they must stay back and watch it burn, knowing there are people inside. Knowing they have all the right tools if they could only get close enough. Knowing if they don't everyone inside will die.

They are helpless.

And even worse, sometimes they show up, their only mission to check the scene so the coroner can recover the bodies.

They are tired, broken, nothing that they imagined when they began the journey to be a hero.

No matter the task, success or failure,  they are still firemen.

In parenting a child with mental illness, sometimes I come up with clever solutions to get us through the crisis.

Sometimes I must sit back and watch my child suffer, waiting for the moment I can intervene and help her, knowing this new burst of flames may be the one that consumes her.

And sometimes, I just have to step aside while others clean up the aftermath of the monsters that were bigger than me or any tool I had.

Either way, I am still a Mama. It's just that sometimes Mama's are not bigger than monsters.

Dream Robbers

Dream Robbers. You know them, we have all met them from time to time in our lives. They are those lovely individuals who are so miserable with their own lives that they spend their time robbing the dreams of others. They do it with a look, a word, or a “you can’t do that”, “that’s too much to handle”, “you won’t recover from this”, or “just let go”. I think for them to accept that dreams are real, is to come to admit their own shortcomings and failures. If they are incapable, then we must be as well….

I believe in dreaming. I believe in reaching farther than you think you can. I think that we are all endowed with the gifts, or have the ability to locate what it is we need to accomplish the desires of our heart. Who am I to say that you should not dream your dream? Who are you to say I can’t have mine?

You Want Her Whole

You want her whole. Trust me. For when she finds her muchness; when she gathers all the pieces of herself, all the pieces you have broke...