Friday, March 12, 2010

Can you distract me from my plastic fantasy?

I didn't think so, but hey, thanks for trying.

Choosing pain. Choosing technical failure. By all standards, with my daughters, when compared to normal children their age, I have failed.

A ten year old, in second grade, who is refusing to work. A ten year old, who the professionals have given up on.

An eleven year old, in fifth grade, who rages and hallucinates, who does her work when she feels like it, and pees on things when she is angry.

They are not typical smily faced kiddos. Hell, they aren't even "having a real bad day" kiddos. But they are mine, and I love them.

I love them, pee covered, raging, cookie hoarding and all.

People who do not know us, see right now. They don't know that while Olivia is refusing to spell, only a short time ago, she did not speak.

They see Jaylin raging for six hours, and they don't know about the 12 hour rage days.

They see Olivia refuse to acknowledge them, they don't know about how when Olivia came, she pretended none of us existed.

They see Jaylin not do her homework and they think I'm a bad mommy. They don't know that I spend hours just trying to get her thru the day. And yes, homework is at the bottom of my is superceeded by living, breathing, laughing....

It is not pretty. Is not techinal success, but it our success...


  1. Today I was venting about my son's lying about completing a discipline assignment (on integrity!). The person I was whining too asked me a question about why we did something a certain way. The only way to explain was to talk about the past... the physical attacks, the broken property, the fear felt by all. Suddenly this put today in perspective for me, and I was able to take a deep breath and move on.

    The person I was whining to? Not so much. *sigh* One more person who thinks we are certifiable and saints.

    I hear ya Sweetie! Sending cyber hugs and real, not virtual, prayers.

    Mary in TX

  2. thank you so very much, heavens knows I need it! I am exhausted over here. I had a hissy fit earlier and kicked the Invisible people out of my house. Jaylin didn't know what to say about that.


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