Saturday, October 08, 2011

Guilty As Charged

I many many times use facebook and my blog to share God, His mercy, His grace, His love for me, His love for you. At the same time, I share my struggles with sin, depression, self harm and on and on.

I never ever ever want to come across as anything more than guilty. GUILTY.

I have hurt people and myself far more than most of you will ever know. I struggled years, and still do in some areas, with some really serious sin. You can rest assured if I am talking about God's mercy, it is because in my sin He was merciful. If I am talking about hope, it is because when I had sinned so much and so horrendously, that He did not turn me away. If I am talking about forgiveness, it is because of my deep gratitude of being forgiven of things it took me years to even be able to say out loud, and some that someone had to expose for me, they were so horrible in my mind.

I used to struggle a lot with knowing my failures, and the desire in my heart to share what God has done in my life. I don't want to be a hyprcrite. I don't want to ever make it seem that I am better than anyone, because I am not. If I haven't done it, and I assure you, the haven't done list is small, it is only because of God's grace, and NOTHING to do with my abilities. It is for that reason, and that reason alone that I, GUILTY JESSICA HACKER, with a list of sin that could stretch to the moon and back, still praise Him.

It is from hearing of the failures of others that I found hope. It is in the transparancy of the brave that I learned that there was a way out. I want you to know that all is never lost. I want you to know that you are never too far from home that you can't turn around.

Please never ever mistake my hope for more as a belief that I am deserving of it. It is only an understanding that God's grace and mercy are sufficient.

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