Friday, May 25, 2012

An Anchor

I once went sailing, ignorant of boats, but enticed by the beauty of the ocean. My boat was small, inadequate, but it will do. I started my journey with nothing, no one I knew had ever gone sailing, I had no idea what I would need. Too far from my starting point, and far away from home, I realized my inadequacy. I was going to die here. Survival mode took over. I found by offering small parts of myself, I could catch a fish or two, and though they made me sick, they kept me alive. Piece by piece I disappeared, my boat lighter but headed nowhere. In the midst of the tossing and turning, some people passed me by. They gave me a package, saying it contained everything I needed, but I sat it aside. I had survived this far depending on me, why risk anything different? It was not long before the calm water that was easily navigated by my inadequacy became rough. As the boat began to fill with water, I jumped off, certain I would have a better chance in the water than on a sinking boat. Out of nowhere, someone very kind came to my rescue, but I screamed and kicked and reached for anything but their hand. Sharks surrounded and my energy waned. In the distance I could see the boat, what I thought was sinking was still floating strong. I swam furiously toward it, and scratched, and clawed my way aboard. Inside, I found the package I'd been given so long before. The map, a repair kit for the holes, but most of all, an anchor. I busied myself repairing the holes, thankful as each one stopped pouring water. The map showed me where to go, but as I turned the wheel, I saw the person who tried to save me was still in the water. I'd hurt them so badly they couldn't swim out. I turned my boat toward them. As I approached, they panicked, remembering the pain I had caused. They would not let me help them. I cannot leave them there. They are in the water because they tried to save me. I did the only thing I knew to do. I dropped anchor. I said to them, I will not leave you here to drown, I promise. I know I hurt you, I know you are afraid, but I was drowning and didn't know you were there to help. I'll stay right here, reaching and showing you I'm not the same terrfied person who almost drowned you. I found the map, and the boat is fixed, its not pretty, but it will get us us home."

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