My Song

I've lost my song and can't find it.

There's none who can sing it to me

the lyrics blanketed by too much pain,

too much sadness,

to much forever trying to be more than how I am.

No one brave enough to dig through the shattered pieces and broken dreams

They might get cut. I'm already bleeding.

My fault of course, if only I could let go,

but how to you let go

when your body so vividly remembers every unkind touch?

I don't know the answer to that.

I can play,

pretend,

smile while dying inside,

die while no one notices,

but my body screams out in protest.

Sleep evades me.

Food will not go or stay down.

Hands shaking,

Head pounding,

Waking up at night screaming about things I don't remember.

Crying in the daytime about the things I do.

And then my tears begin to fall,

for all that I will never be,

for lyrics that will never be found,

tears cried only by me. . .