Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Some Clarity on Grateful List Making

I think sometimes, especially because some of my most personal and painful blogs are restricted, people see my grateful lists and think that I am either completely insane, or lying. I need to clarify something. Between the lines of every list, there are moments of deep pain and hurt and frustration. My world has been a very difficult place to live in for the past few years. There are big monsters and even bigger scars they left behind. On days like today, when I am frustrated, heartbroken, sad, overwhelmed, the very last thing I wanted to do was make a grateful list. It is also precisely the reason why I did it first. Ladies and Gentlefish, it is easy to be grateful when life is smooth, it is easy to be joyful when you have a reason to laugh, it is easy to be brave when you are able to protect yourself...but what happens when all of those things are ripped away? Who are you then? I can tell you that I am one very tired, very hurt, very heartbroken, very frustrated woman, who chooses to see that God has kept her, who chooses to embrace those who God has placed in my life to fill in all that has been stolen, who will praise Him regardless. I encourage each of you to make your own list. If you are in a place of bitterness or depression, start by making a complaint list...my husband doesn't listen to me, I'm heartbroken, I'm broke...and then rethink it...I have a husband. I am not alone. I have a heart that is able to love enough to be broken. Broke in my life means I can still access the internet...its not about changing your circumstances, or pretending they don't exist, but finding what is good and hanging onto it when waves of ugliness flood in.

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