I have a friend who is struggling with her children who suffer from Reactive Attachment Disorder. I wrote this to her and wanted to share because this truth is the same for all of us....
Someone said to me very long ago that we did not make these children this way, we simply came behind with Band-Aids too small to fit the trauma wounds caused by their first, and second, and other, sometimes many other, parents. We pay for the faults and failures of those parents because we are the ones brave enough to stay. Mama's like you and I, we attempt the impossible. We fight a battle that without God's intervention, we will lose.
I have to look at it as if we are firemen. Sometimes firemen come in and save the day. Sometimes they arrive on scene and have to stand by knowing that there are people dying inside. Sometimes they show up after the devastation and simply have to clean up the mess left by others. Each and every time, they are firemen. They are doing their job; an impossible and dangerous job that most people will never have the strength enough to do.
I know that you are feeling very discouraged right now, like you have wasted and lost for no reason, but I need you to know this if you know nothing at all; your story, your struggles, your successes and losses, they gave me hope when I had none, they gave me laughter when I realized that other mama's dealt with the absolute weirdness these kids sometimes bring, they brought me strength when I was tired, but most of all, your stories brought me the truth.
The truth is sometimes horrible things happen to little children rendering them simply unable to ever love or feel or be. The truth is that no matter what we do, they will most likely never ever appreciate, understand, or know how much it cost. The truth is we are human. We fail, we succeed, and we love, even when we have to lock that love away to protect our hearts. We are Mama's to children who have lost so much they will never grasp what a blessing it is to have one.
The point of it all isn't "success" but that sometimes some of us do succeed, because they had women like us surrounding them in the process. Sometimes a mama breaks through, maybe not us, maybe not now, but sometimes they do and the truth is those mama's could not have gotten through without our experience, our failures, our bravery to share our story. I love you bunches. I'm proud to call you my friend.