Friday, December 30, 2016

It's Not the Freak in Target

As someone working on her second masters in Victim Services and who was a foster parent from 1999 to 2007, I can tell you that that the guy stalking or trying to steal kids in the store isn't the norm for sexual predators. 

He isn't the guy in the store, he is the friend who "just loves your kids," the teacher who is "concerned," the neighbor who volunteers to get them off the bus, the older cousin, the somebody you see and know who has disarmed you. 

The person who will inevitably harm your child is statistically most likely to be someone you know and trust. Be careful in public for sure, but please know that is your safest area.

Trauma and Disease

Trauma and disease; both of which have the ability to cause tremendous heartache, pain, and suffering; yet, each are treated decidedly different by society. When a person's body is harmed by cancer or some other physical illness they have support groups, awareness campaigns, they can even say they are "kicking cancer's ass." The person can cry, fuss, and have facebook pages about their illness and how awful it is. They are able to discuss all the damage their illness has caused and is it completely socially acceptable.  

When someone's body, heart, or mind is harmed by another person, they are told to forgive, to let God handle them, to rise above it. Their trauma is made ugly and secret. To speak out is to cause harm to another human or to talk badly about the other human. The problem is everyone seems to forget why they are crying in the first place. There is no place where it is ok to say, "This person did this very horrible thing to me," because that is gossip and badmouthing. But what about the bad that happened? Without a way to be let out it crawls within that person and rips them to shreds over and over again. That is truly a terrible place to be, an awful way to feel, and very very lonely.

It is for that reason that a few years ago I decided to speak out and up. I decided to acknowledge my pain and call out those who caused it. While I have faced criticism and received a few "What would Jesus do" lectures,  that is ok with me.  The sadness of knowing I disappointed someone who doesn't understand is nothing compared to the fear and isolation of living with unacknowledged pain. And as for Jesus, Jesus called things as they were. He named people's pain. He interceeded when bullies showed their ugly heads. He said no to secrets and monsters that come even in the daytime and I will too. 

Friday, December 23, 2016

Thursday, December 01, 2016

No God Did Not Elect trump and Other Things We Need to Stop Saying

I'm so utterly sick of hearing how God intervenes when it is consistent with someone's beliefs and supportive of their story. Governmental and religious leaders claiming God elected trump all the way to one home burning down over another.

My heart has been wrecked this week over wildfires in my home state. So many stories of "I prayed and God saved me" or "People prayed and both my neighbors homes burned but mine was saved." Really? And for the neighbors? Was no one praying? Did God not care about their prayers?

While the concept of God intervening may seem great, please consider those neighbors. Think about those who are still missing family, who lost their homes, who have confirmed their families are gone? Did God not care about them or their prayers?

The thing is we all have free choice and that leads to a whole lot of consequences. Rapist tyrants elected presidents all the way to depraved humans burning down thousands of acres of land and killing untold numbers of people. It is awful.

I believe God is there. I believe God is in those who have shown up with supplies, who pray without ceasing, in Veterans who stand in front of water protectors, and in people who refuse to be silent when evil tries to drown out the truth.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Why Now? One of the Ignorant Questions We Ask Survivors of Sexual Abuse


As the past few months have progressed and multiple women who were victims of trump and other high profile men's sexual harassment and assault have come forward to bravely share their stories of survival many people have asked, why now? Some have even accused the women of having political or attention seeking motives. As a survivor, one who kept secrets for years, I find my heart aching every time I see one of those posts condemning women who are braver than you will ever dream to be.

At its very core sexual harassment or assault are associated with secrecy and shame. It shouldn't be, but it is. Our perpetrators prey on that shame and fear. They thrive in secrets while we lay dying inside. I know this because I have been there. I've been there far more than I ever wanted to be. I didn't tell either...until...

I was sexually abused by a cousin for years, I didn't tell anyone. He threatened me frequently and I knew enough of my family to know that secrets were how we operated, so I suffered in silence...until...

I had gotten away for a few years and there came an occasion when I would have to be near him again. By that time I had people I trusted enough to say something to. When I  literally ran from a room when I encountered him, they asked me questions and let me know I was safe and it was ok to talk. And so I told, a few people, a few things, enough to keep me from being in that situation.
  
A few years later he was stupid enough to send me a Facebook friend request. As I sat staring at his photo I realized he was playing drums, in a church. My stomach turned. I became angry and terrified all at once. What was once something that I thought was only my problem was suddenly very different. If he is in church, if he is on the ministry team, then he has power. I spent a great deal of time hunting that church, and then I sent them a message. I told them. I told them years later when he was no longer a threat to me, not out of bitterness, not trying to destroy his life, not with any malicious intent at all.  I told because I saw that other young girls were now in danger of being hurt by him too. To be quiet was to be no better than those who didn't protect me.

I was also sexually abused by my father. He died in 1990 of suicide. You want to know when I finally said something? In 1996 at a youth rally when another brave person shared their story and I saw as hundreds of women came forward for prayer because someone had hurt them too.

But again, a few people, and a few things, because all of it was overwhelming and I saw daily that women who come forward are bullied, harassed, questioned ad nauseam and then blamed. Coming forward is, or feels ,far more scary than living with secrets.

You see, I already survived what happened, and I survived living every day with secrets, but adding bullying, condemnation, accusations, and public shame to that? I was terrified it would break me.

Women come forward when they feel safe, when they see they are not alone, when they are more afraid than ashamed, or when they see that someone has the ability to harm others. Sometimes that is right away, though usually, it isn't. Most often, it is never and that is truly heartbreaking.

I am so very proud of the women who have come forward. I know how very difficult that was. I have also been called a liar, a whore, a crazy attention seeker. People blamed me too. They came running in defense of my abusers when they never took a step for me.

Please know I think you are amazing. Thank you for being brave, for trying to protect, for letting other women know they are not alone.

Saturday, October 08, 2016

Judge Not...the Most Dangerous Thing You Can Do

I judge people...I judge the hell out of them. I judge people I know and people I don't. I judge people because it is necessary. I judge because the vulnerable in this world need me to, they need all of us to.

There is a vast difference in judging someone's faith or Christianity and judging their character, their actions, their safety or lack thereof.

It is true the Bible says, "Judge not lest you be judged." But the rest of the verse clarifies..."For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged."

I judge people and I absolutely beg of you to judge me the same. If I am hurting someone, if I am a danger to myself or others, please please judge me. Judge me and intervene. Say something and do something! Don't allow a few sentences of misinterpreted scripture to keep you from using your God given wisdom.

Don't let your own personal failures prevent you from protecting those who have been placed in your path.

It isn't about faith, or grace, or forgiveness. It is about stewardship, it is about loving your neighbor, it is the Good Samaritan and Jesus who stood in front of the prostitute.

So please go ahead...judge me. Judge them, you cannot protect without judgement.

Sunday, September 25, 2016

The Catfishing Murders of East Tennessee by Dennis Brooks: A Book Review

Too Pretty to Live: The Catfishing Murders of East Tennessee
A Book Review
Brooks, D. (2016). Too Pretty to Live; The Catfishing Murders of East Tennessee. New York: Diversion Publishing.

The term “Catfish” has become well known in the last few years with the rise of the MTV series of the same name, so much so that in 2014 it was added to the Merriam-Webster dictionary (Highfill, 2014). Defined as a person who utilizes false social networking accounts for deceptive purposes, Jenelle Potter upped the ante from deception to double murder (Highfill, 2014; Brooks, 2016).

The case began with the senseless murders of couple Billy Payne, age 36 and Billie Jean Hayworth, age 26 on January 31, 2012. The couple was found shot to death in their home with Billie Jean still clutching her surviving child Tyler. What started as a senseless murder quickly became an unbelievingly tangled mess of fact and fiction woven together by the sociopathic mind of Jenelle Potter.

Due to previous feuding between the Potters and the victims it was not long before they came under the radar of the Mountain City Police Department. The bitter yet one sided relationship between the parties was clearly laid out on Facebook and Topix, two social media sites utilized with fever by the isolated and impoverished community members of Mountain City. There were also multiple police reports and court records where Jenelle was reporting harassment and a couple where the friends of the victims and the victim tried filing restraining orders. While Jenelle Potter is reported to have an auditory disorder that prevented her from communicating with her peers, she had no trouble communicating her feelings online.  

The case first appeared to be one of Marvin (Buddy) Potter and Jamie Curd killing the victims to protect Jenelle. Further investigation revealed the presence of several catfish accounts. The primary character, Chris, who was purported to be a member of the CIA was reported to be “family” of the Potter family and someone who looked out for Jenelle. Through the use of these multiple catfished accounts Jenelle convinced her family and Jamie Curd of two things; that she was in serious danger from Bill Payne and Billy Jean Hayworth and that any action taken by the family would be supported by the CIA. While most people would dismiss something as the CIA getting involved in a girl fight, it is important to note that all of this took place in Mountain City, Tennessee. Mountain City is strongly lacking in education, income, and socialization. The median income for residents of Mountain City is $35,000 with only 75% graduating high school and less than 8% of residents obtaining their bachelor’s degree. Drug use is high. While the community may be close nit as reported by Brooks, they are also very uninformed and socially backwards due to little interaction with those outside of their community.

While Brooks felt from the beginning that Jenelle and her mother were somehow involved in the murders through going through their email messages and phone calls, he had no experience in how to prove that they were criminally responsible. He reports that he began scouring the internet for something that might help him prove that Jenelle was actually Chris and the other Topix and Facebook posters. He happened up forensic linguistics and Dr. Robert Leonard.

Dr. Robert Leonard, a world renowned linguistic specialist was brought in to prove that the CIA agent Chris was actually Jenelle Potter. Jenelle Potter had created the Chris profile to help make her family think that she was in danger. Realistically Jenelle was simply jealous of Billie Jean Hayworth and her friends. Jenelle was reported to have had a crush on Bill Payne and became enraged when Billie Jean became pregnant. It was shortly after the pregnancy announcement that Jamie Curd and Barbara Potter began receiving messages from Chris. Interestingly enough, Chris was an actual person in Jenelle’s past, a former classmate, but was not a CIA agent and had no real connection to her.

Dr. Leonard was able to use typed harassment complaints by Jenelle and her mother Barbara compared with the messages from Chris and other catfish accounts to find the linguistic markers distinct to Jenelle’s writing. Not only was Jenelle’s grammar terrible, she often referred to herself as pretty and good which was repeated in Chris’ messages. In addition to that, Jenelle often added extra e’s into words and frequently transposed letters so Dr. Leonard was able to draw distinct correlations between the writings of Chris and Jenelle.

The prosecution was able to use the work of Dr. Leonard to convict Jenelle Potter and her mother of first degree murder as his work proved that without their involvement, the murders would not have happened. Message after message goaded Jamie and Barbara along, inflaming their anger and fears. Barbara then carried that anger and fears to her husband Buddy who eventually ended the lives of Payne and Hayworth.

Brooks (2016) paints Mountain City, TN as synonymous with a Norman Rockwell painting where something as horrific as murder is unheard of. For the residents of East Tennessee, this is simply not true. Mountain City is known to have a lack of education, high rates of poverty and drug use, where family histories can be traced more easily in police records than the family bible. Mountain City boasts a population of slightly over 18000, with per capita crimes rates for serious and violent crimes consistent with national averages (CityData.com, 2016).

When Brooks chose to write the book there was a great amount of uproar over the ethics of it.  However, The Tennessee Board of Professional Responsibility reported that there are no rules governing an attorney’s conduct after the verdict is rendered in a case (Campbell, 2016).  Beverly Garland, the mother of murder victim Billy Payne states that she felt betrayed by Brooks, especially since he included her son’s gravestone on the cover of his book without her consent (Campbell, 2016 a).

While Brooks frequently references how the majority of the community clings to their Christian faith, it is important to note that upon further inspection, that faith when intertwined with ignorance and a lack of education leads to behaviors far from those outlined as Godly or Christian. The writings of Barbara and Jenelle Potter are perfect examples of this, frequently referring to the victims as whores and discussing how they need to be killed while simultaneously talking about how grateful they are to be good Christians. Interestingly enough the very last electronic communication included in the Potter trial was a link Barbara Potter had sent to herself in January 2016 entitled “Can God Forgive a Murderer?”

In the end Judge Jon Kerry Blackwood sentenced Jamie Curd to two counts of facilitation to commit first degree murder. His sentence was less than the other three defendants due to a plea deal in which he testified for the prosecution. The Potter women were both convicted of two counts each of first degree murder and sentenced to serve two concurrent life sentences. Marvin (Buddy) Potter was convicted earlier for both murders.

Media reports and the book itself all refer to Jenelle Potter as having an auditory disorder that made communication with her peers difficult, but it is very clear from her sociopathic actions that she suffered from something far more serious. Brooks does not address this fact in depth but repeatedly alludes to the Potter family’s mental health issues, defects, or maladies. There are sparse mentions of the sociopathic behaviors of Jenelle, as well as the bizarre and isolating parenting methods that made her that way.

Brooks reports that by writing the book he was able to lay a case that had consumed his life for years to rest. His task as prosecutor had been to convince the jurors that while and Buddy Potter and Jamie Curt had done the actual killing of Billy Payne and Billy Jean Hayworth, Barbara and Jenelle Potter were criminally responsible. It was the prosecution’s theory that without the assistance and prompting of Jenelle Potter (in several catfishing roles) and her mother Barbara that Payne and Hayworth would still be alive.

Essentially Brooks said it best when he described himself as a writer, he has no imagination. What he does do is tell an unbelievable story through the use of emails, phone call transcripts, court records and his personal experiences. The book is an easy read, but is sometimes redundant with many of the statements of the defendants being repeatedly included to accentuate his point. The amount of personal investment into the case is clear with him feeling that when the case ended he would “either be the hero or the goat. Justice served or justice eluded.” He is far more a narrator than an author.

This case was known by all involved to be the most senseless and bizarre case the state had ever seen, with each move perpetuated by the sick mind of Jenelle Potter. She cunningly made murderous puppets of those around her using nothing more than words typed on a computer screen. Brooks reports that it is clear Buddy Potter believed his daughter would be raped and murdered by Bill and Billie Jean. Equally convinced of their danger to Janelle was Jamie Curt, her boyfriend. Jenelle’s mother Barbara seems to be the most delusional and dangerous of them all. Not only did her bizarre parenting create the sociopathic woman Jenelle became, she then became sucked into Jenelle’s delusional world believing as well that her daughter was in danger. This case was more than catfishing; it was mental illness super powered by the world wide web. What was meant to be a tool for socialization became a murder weapon by default. 

Brooks telling of the case is interesting and the craziness of the real life storyline keep the reader engaged for the most part. It is lacking in a deeper explanation of the legal principals utilized to prosecute the case but from Brooks own admission, the book was more of a way to release the torment the case had caused him than a legal or psychological manual. He had a story that he felt was told in error by the media and he wanted to make it right.

In a stunning twist of events, in July of 2016 the defense attorneys for Barbara Potter announced they were seeking a new trial based on the information not released in the trial but contained within Brooks’ book (Hinds, 2016). Brooks repeatedly mentions information he knew but did not disclose to the defense despite their legal right to obtain such information. Hinds (2016) reports two specific incidents of concern to the defense: extensive statements made by Jamie Curt that were inconsistent with stories they heard and the fact that police installed surveillance devices in the Potter home that they used to obtain images and information. The defense argues that without having this information their clients could not have the fair trial they are legally entitled to. The Tennessee Court of Criminal Appeals has now issued a stay to the appellate process while the defense pursues a petition for “a writ of corm nobis” which means that an error was made that if corrected would have led to a different outcome of the case (Campbell, 2016 b). The case is still pending in the courts and Brooks has yet to comment on how his book may cause a retrial in a case that took over years of his life.

References
Brooks, D. (2016). Too Pretty to Live; The Catfishing Murders of East Tennessee. New York: 
            Diversion Publishing. 
Campbell, B. (2016 a). Facebook murders documented in true crime book written by prosecutor. Johnson City Press.  Retrieved from http://www.johnsoncitypress.com/Local/2016/01/04/Facebook-murders-documented-in-true-crime-book-written-by-prosecutor
Campbell, B. (2016 b). Appellate court issues state in Facebook murder appeal. Johnson City Press.  Retrieved from http://www.johnsoncitypress.com/Local/2016/07/27/Appellate-court-issues-stay-in-Facebook-murder-appeal
CityData.Com. (2016). Crime rate in Mountain City, Tennessee: Murders, rapes, robberies, assaults, burglaries, thefts, auto thefts, arson, law enforcement employees, police officers, crime map. Retrieved from http://www.city-data.com/crime/crime-Mountain-City-Tennessee.html
Highhfill, S. (2014). Merriam-webster officially gives "catfish' a new definition. Retrieved from http://www.ew.com/article/2014/05/20/merriam-webster-catfish-definition
Hinds, A. (2016, July 7). Defense attorneys in "Facebook murders" say new evidience revealed in prosecutors book warrants new trial. . WJHL.  Retrieved from http://wjhl.com/2016/07/07/defense-attorneys-in-facebook-murders-say-new-evidence-revealed-in-prosecutors-book-warrants-new-trial/


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

The Historical Plight of the Battered Wife

Throughout history society has largely ignored the plight of the battered wife, oftentimes even blaming her for her plight (Martin, 1976). In fact, Martin (1976) points out that many see the battered wife as a conspirator with the “media, police, the social scientists, the social reformers, and the social workers” to keep the issue of domestic violence hidden. In primitive society women held an equal if not higher status than their male counterparts (Martin, 1976). This changed however due largely in part to the switch from polygamous lifestyles to a “pairing” based on monogamy. Interestingly enough, even the speculation behind how and when spousal abuse became the standard has consistently been attributed to women. Martin (1976) reports that women’s desire for protection caused their complete subjugation to men.
Once “pairing marriage” became the norm, men took control of the home and all those within it were seen as his property (Martin, 1976). It was common practice for women to be kidnapped from their family and raped by men in order to claim them as late as the fifteenth century (Martin, 1976). Women were beaten in order for the men to maintain control with their actions sanctioned by society, the church, and sometimes the women themselves. Men worked hard to incorporate their “inhumane attitudes into the dominant culture” to maintain control and prevent themselves from taking responsibility for their actions (Martin, 19676, p.29).
The Medieval times were racked by the continued the belief that women were inferior largely supported by the Judeo Christian doctrine and the church. Women were not only less than, but men were justified in the actions they took to punish them. Things were not improved during the sixteenth century with laws permitting women to be killed by their husbands with zero repercussions. The methods by which they did so are repulsive and include such acts as beating a woman, making her put on alcohol soaked clothing and setting her on fire or burying her up to her head in the ground and leaving her to die (Martin, 1976). Words like “pummel” or “throttle” were utilized to glaze over the real description of what happens, “assault”, “abuse”, and sometimes “murder” of women (Martin, 1976, p.6).
By the 1800’s in America rules began to be placed on just how a wife could be beaten such as “with a switch no bigger than a thumb” or restricting them to not causing any permanent injury (Martin, 1976). While that seems ludicrous that it would be progress, it is far better than burning women alive. However, it was not until 1890 that the Supreme Court of the United States made wife beating illegal under any circumstances. Unfortunately, the creation of laws and the implementation of them were two entirely different stories. It would not be until the late 1970’s, almost a hundred years later that women began to have a voice.
In a 1976 women gathered in Brussels and raised their collective voices to bring awareness to the victimization of women around the world (1976). This voice was not quite loud enough to circumvent the deeply embedded beliefs that women were somehow a separate and less than species. In the late 1970s Walker (1979) presented previous research comparing women who remained in abusive relationships to the learned helplessness displayed by rats in earlier experiments. This is indicative of the mind set at the time as women were not seen as complex beings but rather animal like creatures responding to a stimulus ignoring their “agency, strength, and determination”. Despite this, in was during the 1970’s that the victim rights movement and rape and shelter crisis movements first started making headway (Martin, 1976, p. 17).
While laws were created and women began to have the right to press charges against their spouses, the actual implementation of those laws was so complex that oftentimes they were not enforced after. While society generally understands what assault and battery or rape are crime and that laws exist to prevent them, there is a fundamental break in the understanding that these things are not ok when occurring between two people in marriage or a “loving” relationship (Martin, 1976).
The seventies also brought about much needed research into the nature of abusive relationships such as Walker’s “Cycle of Violence” (Walker, 1979)). Rather than looking at spousal abuse as a deserved response to a woman’s actions, Walker (1979) described a pattern of consistent behavior experienced within abusive relationships including: the tension building phase, the acute battering incident, the honeymoon phase.” This was a vital development as well because it gave an explanation as to why women stayed that was not based on them not having any more sense than a rat.
In 1973 the first victim assistance conference was conducted after which many domestic violence organizations were created (Tobolowsky et al., 2010). This was followed by the 1981 proclamation of the first Crime Victim’s Rights week by Regan and the creation of an investigation group to look into the plight of victims. They found that violence against women is primarily intimate partner violence with over 64% of those being raped, physically assaulted, or stalked being victimized by their significant other (National Institute of Justice, 2000).
While the outcomes were mixed, the 1970’s also brought about a series of civil suits against police departments and cities for a failure to enforce the laws protecting women (Jones, 2000). This lead to an increased awareness on the plight of domestic violence victims which in turn lead to more research. Sherman and Berk (1984) conducted the groundbreaking Minneapolis Domestic Violence Experiment that looked into the effect arresting those accused of domestic violence on deterring future acts of violence. Not surprisingly they found that when police made an arrest as opposed to separating the couple or offering mediation, offenders were less likely to commit future acts (Sherman and Berk, 1984). Currently there is more of a multidisciplinary approach to handling the issue of interpersonal violence and how it is handled. Many states have created specialized domestic violence courts consisting of state attorneys, civil attorneys from advocacy organizations, as well as community and system advocates.
While progress has continued to be made, the most recent important pieces of legislation was the 1994 Violence Against Women’s Act (Office of Violence Against Women, 2014). This act created the Office of Violence Against Women within the Justice Department and created multiple federal domestic violence offences (OVAW, 2014). Traveling across state lines to commit domestic violence, to stalk someone, or to violate a protective order all became federal crimes (OVAW, 2014). This act was revised and reauthorized multiple times in order to improve prevention efforts, legal assistance programs and housing access as well as to improve protections for those in the LGBTQ+ and immigrant community (National Network to End Domestic Violence, 2016).
Even though Martin’s (1976) book was written in the 1970’s it is vital to today because there continues to exist within our world the common thread that while violent behavior may be illegal, “there are certain circumstances in which it is expected and almost inevitably occurs” (p. 9). The work largely built a foundation on which the issue of domestic violence could be investigated and understood.
It is also a reminder that while we have far to go, we have made progress. At the time Martin’s book was written it was still legal to rape your wife. Marital rape became illegal in all 50 states in 1993, though it should be mentioned that many states still punish rape differently depending on whether or not it occurred within a marital relationship. Gratefully since the publication of Martin’s book women have continued to raise their voices and demand and end to the violence and subjugation they have experienced for centuries.
References
Jones, A. (2000). Next time, she’ll be dead: Battering and how to stop it. Boston: Beacon Press
National Institute of Justice (2000). Full report of the prevalence, incidence, and consequence of violence against women. Retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf
Office of Violence Against Women (2014). About the office. Retrieved from https://www.justice.gov/ovw/about-office
National Network to End Domestic Violence (2016). Violence against women act. Retrieved from http://nnedv.org/policy/issues/vawa.html
Sherman, L.W. and Berk, R.A. (1984). The Minneapolis domestic violence experiment. Police foundation reports. Washington, D.C.: Police Foundation. Retrieved from http://www.policefoundation.org/publication/the-minneapolis-domestic-violence-experiment/
Tobolowsky, P.M. et al. (2010). Crime victim rights and remedies (2nd ed.). North Carolina: Carolina Academic Press.

Walker, L.E. (1979). The battered woman. New York, NY: Harper Perennial

You Want Her Whole

You want her whole. Trust me. For when she finds her muchness; when she gathers all the pieces of herself, all the pieces you have broke...