My Fellow Humans

I'll admit in my fear and panic over the new administration I have been at times snarky. I may still be from time to time, but know that I am aware of said snarkiness. I've been thinking a great deal today and I finally have decided in the interest of personal health that I have to trust my fellow humans.

So when, as a Rape Crisis Companion, I encounter a victim in need of the services already on Trump's chopping block, I am coming to you.

When I encounter someone who despite working full time lacks life saving medical care because the ACA has been repealed, please be willing to contribute.

When my children who are currently benefiting from special education programs are cut, I hope to see your face at the school filling in the gaps and making sure that despite their limitations they get an education.

When my friends in the LGBTQIA+ community are discriminated against and hated, open your arms and be willing to be a place of rest.

When my Stephen and other POC  encounter systemic racism, I expect to hear your voice. When they are killed in minor traffic stops or other ridiculous incidents, I will be waiting to see your presence at their funeral, and your support of their families.

When I encounter an unwed mother I will be calling on you, not in an opportunity to grow your own family, but in the knowledge that that young mother and her child will not go without.

I can't trust trump. But I know you, or think I do. I'm hoping for the lives of many I am not wrong.

It's Not the Freak in Target

As someone working on her second masters in Victim Services and who was a foster parent from 1999 to 2007, I can tell you that that the guy stalking or trying to steal kids in the store isn't the norm for sexual predators. 

He isn't the guy in the store, he is the friend who "just loves your kids," the teacher who is "concerned," the neighbor who volunteers to get them off the bus, the older cousin, the somebody you see and know who has disarmed you. 

The person who will inevitably harm your child is statistically most likely to be someone you know and trust. Be careful in public for sure, but please know that is your safest area.

Trauma and Disease

Trauma and disease; both of which have the ability to cause tremendous heartache, pain, and suffering; yet, each are treated decidedly different by society. When a person's body is harmed by cancer or some other physical illness they have support groups, awareness campaigns, they can even say they are "kicking cancer's ass." The person can cry, fuss, and have facebook pages about their illness and how awful it is. They are able to discuss all the damage their illness has caused and is it completely socially acceptable.  

When someone's body, heart, or mind is harmed by another person, they are told to forgive, to let God handle them, to rise above it. Their trauma is made ugly and secret. To speak out is to cause harm to another human or to talk badly about the other human. The problem is everyone seems to forget why they are crying in the first place. There is no place where it is ok to say, "This person did this very horrible thing to me," because that is gossip and badmouthing. But what about the bad that happened? Without a way to be let out it crawls within that person and rips them to shreds over and over again. That is truly a terrible place to be, an awful way to feel, and very very lonely.

It is for that reason that a few years ago I decided to speak out and up. I decided to acknowledge my pain and call out those who caused it. While I have faced criticism and received a few "What would Jesus do" lectures,  that is ok with me.  The sadness of knowing I disappointed someone who doesn't understand is nothing compared to the fear and isolation of living with unacknowledged pain. And as for Jesus, Jesus called things as they were. He named people's pain. He interceeded when bullies showed their ugly heads. He said no to secrets and monsters that come even in the daytime and I will too. 

Introducing Abby Hacker, Up and Coming Young Soulful Artist from East Tennessee

I would love to introduce to you my daughter Abby's first demo, including two covers, Valerie by Amy Winehouse and Don't Cry Baby by Etta James. I could not be more proud of her!

Abby Hacker Soundcloud Album

No God Did Not Elect trump and Other Things We Need to Stop Saying

I'm so utterly sick of hearing how God intervenes when it is consistent with someone's beliefs and supportive of their story. Governmental and religious leaders claiming God elected trump all the way to one home burning down over another.

My heart has been wrecked this week over wildfires in my home state. So many stories of "I prayed and God saved me" or "People prayed and both my neighbors homes burned but mine was saved." Really? And for the neighbors? Was no one praying? Did God not care about their prayers?

While the concept of God intervening may seem great, please consider those neighbors. Think about those who are still missing family, who lost their homes, who have confirmed their families are gone? Did God not care about them or their prayers?

The thing is we all have free choice and that leads to a whole lot of consequences. Rapist tyrants elected presidents all the way to depraved humans burning down thousands of acres of land and killing untold numbers of people. It is awful.

I believe God is there. I believe God is in those who have shown up with supplies, who pray without ceasing, in Veterans who stand in front of water protectors, and in people who refuse to be silent when evil tries to drown out the truth.

Why Now? One of the Ignorant Questions We Ask Survivors of Sexual Abuse

As the past few months have progressed and multiple women who were victims of trump and other high profile men's sexual harassment and assault have come forward to bravely share their stories of survival many people have asked, why now? Some have even accused the women of having political or attention seeking motives. As a survivor, one who kept secrets for years, I find my heart aching every time I see one of those posts condemning women who are braver than you will ever dream to be.

At its very core sexual harassment or assault are associated with secrecy and shame. It shouldn't be, but it is. Our perpetrators prey on that shame and fear. They thrive in secrets while we lay dying inside. I know this because I have been there. I've been there far more than I ever wanted to be. I didn't tell either...until...

I was sexually abused by a cousin for years, I didn't tell anyone. He threatened me frequently and I knew enough of my family to know that secrets were how we operated, so I suffered in silence...until...

I had gotten away for a few years and there came an occasion when I would have to be near him again. By that time I had people I trusted enough to say something to. When I  literally ran from a room when I encountered him, they asked me questions and let me know I was safe and it was ok to talk. And so I told, a few people, a few things, enough to keep me from being in that situation.
  

A few years later he was stupid enough to send me a Facebook friend request. As I sat staring at his photo I realized he was playing drums, in a church. My stomach turned. I became angry and terrified all at once. What was once something that I thought was only my problem was suddenly very different. If he is in church, if he is on the ministry team, then he has power. I spent a great deal of time hunting that church, and then I sent them a message. I told them. I told them years later when he was no longer a threat to me, not out of bitterness, not trying to destroy his life, not with any malicious intent at all.  I told because I saw that other young girls were now in danger of being hurt by him too. To be quiet was to be no better than those who didn't protect me.

I was also sexually abused by my father. He died in 1990 of suicide. You want to know when I finally said something? In 1996 at a youth rally when another brave person shared their story and I saw as hundreds of women came forward for prayer because someone had hurt them too.

But again, a few people, and a few things, because all of it was overwhelming and I saw daily that women who come forward are bullied, harassed, questioned ad nauseam and then blamed. Coming forward is, or feels ,far more scary than living with secrets.

You see, I already survived what happened, and I survived living every day with secrets, but adding bullying, condemnation, accusations, and public shame to that? I was terrified it would break me.

Women come forward when they feel safe, when they see they are not alone, when they are more afraid than ashamed, or when they see that someone has the ability to harm others. Sometimes that is right away, though usually, it isn't. Most often, it is never and that is truly heartbreaking.

I am so very proud of the women who have come forward. I know how very difficult that was. I have also been called a liar, a whore, a crazy attention seeker. People blamed me too. They came running in defense of my abusers when they never took a step for me.

Please know I think you are amazing. Thank you for being brave, for trying to protect, for letting other women know they are not alone.

Judge Not...the Most Dangerous Thing You Can Do

I judge people...I judge the hell out of them. I judge people I know and people I don't. I judge people because it is necessary. I judge because the vulnerable in this world need me to, they need all of us to.

There is a vast difference in judging someone's faith or Christianity and judging their character, their actions, their safety or lack thereof.

It is true the Bible says, "Judge not lest you be judged." But the rest of the verse clarifies..."For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged."

I judge people and I absolutely beg of you to judge me the same. If I am hurting someone, if I am a danger to myself or others, please please judge me. Judge me and intervene. Say something and do something! Don't allow a few sentences of misinterpreted scripture to keep you from using your God given wisdom.

Don't let your own personal failures prevent you from protecting those who have been placed in your path.

It isn't about faith, or grace, or forgiveness. It is about stewardship, it is about loving your neighbor, it is the Good Samaritan and Jesus who stood in front of the prostitute.

So please go ahead...judge me. Judge them, you cannot protect without judgement.